Like the mellow sun on a winter morning
Like the fierce fire crackling in a hearth
Like the soft breath of a sleeping baby
Like the storm raging within me!
Like the faint whisper of a flowing stream
Like the deafening roar of thunder
Like the lazy pace of a growing bud
Like the haste of my heart!
Like the lazy pace of a growing bud
Like the haste of my heart!
Like the height of a towering mountain
Like the depth of the abyssal sea
Like the brightness in your grin
Like the darkness in me!
Like the depth of the abyssal sea
Like the brightness in your grin
Like the darkness in me!
Like the faith in a place of worship
Like the question in a curious mind
Like the calm in your reassuring gaze
Like the chaos building inside me!
Like the question in a curious mind
Like the calm in your reassuring gaze
Like the chaos building inside me!
Like the hope in a flickering lamp
Like the despair in a mother's loss
Like the promise of the dying sun
Like your presence around me!
Like the despair in a mother's loss
Like the promise of the dying sun
Like your presence around me!
i generally do not like poetry .... but this one is good.... lot of potential!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletekeep writing!!!!!!!!
but it does seem a little incomplete..... you might wanna finish off with one last concluding stanza...
A contrasting feeling in every paragraph of this poem completely justifies the idea they express....I see a wonderful imagination here..the mighty elements you have used and the mighty emotions within!
ReplyDeleteA very nice poem Labani....I loved the last four lines!
:)
A good attempt at capturing conflicts. Being no poet myself, I must say I find it pretty good. However, as Debolina says above, it seems a little incomplete. Though, I think there may be more to say than just one more stanza. However it may just be your style of writing (as some of your previous writings have shown)...not saying enough.
ReplyDeleteAgain, being no poet myself, I may be completely wrong in saying this but I feel that it lacks a little on the emotional content. The comparisons are present but the feelings lurk somewhere in the shadows. Not really evident what you want to convey. Unless it was merely the conflict that you wanted to convey.
Good attempt. Keep up the good work. Like the title but the title promises a lot more...