To sigh and take flight!

They were to touch base, only to feel light
Heavy! Yet, so heavy
To sigh and take flight!

Like the edge of a colorful kite,
Torn mercilessly! By towers
Of some high and might.

Like the brim of a careless brook,
Questioned harshly! By boulders
Nestled at its every nook.

To reside like an idea in a beautiful mind
Yet Chained! Tattered!
In its struggle to unwind.

They were to touch base, only to feel light
Heavy! Yet, so heavy
To sigh and take flight!

No Light! No Light!

Eyelids when strain to give way to light
Hope climbs up the lashes to skies bright;
Colors, Colors reflected all around
Whilst Shadows follow behind without a sound!

Presence of none is Black they say,
Presence of all, lets White make its way;
What hideous game does Light indulge in
Letting dreams breathe, the stealthy approach of mares not seen!

Oh! Poor Souls! Following the trail of Light!
Thinking all that they witness is right!

Their essence relinquishing gently
Exhaling last sighs in the darkness of the night!

Draw the curtains, Let the light in
Let it trickle around life, ridicule its being;

Draw the curtains, Let the light in
Let it show what it is and shadow what has been!

Let words be..

Whilst gently being dragged across
by insolent ink flowing without sense of loss;

Hear them screech under the sharpness of the nip,
As if being flung from a dizzying cliff.

Feel them suffocate under the imprint of numerous feet,
Trampled while grazing on the busy hectic street;

Dumped with indifference after a careless sight
Even if they did once soothe one's plight!

Necessity they are, sometimes luxury too,
Much sought after to gather as possessions new;
Watch them being ruthlessly used, stretch to fit in context
Their rare essence lost! Lost in volumes of text!

I earnestly say, Let words be!
Let them dwell in thoughts, lest they flee..
Let them hover in space, traversing times old and new
Selfishly let them paint pictures, pictures just for you!

To be and not to be..

To drizzle as quiet rain drops,

Not to be their stubborn touch;

To be lost in the vast of blue

Not to touch the brim, waste as such.

To be the orange warmth on a blue skin,

Not to scorch the essence of one's being;

To be the light burning in your eyes

Not the reason for the shadow in its skies.

Oh! To be like the soothing wind and how it flows

Not be the one which wreaks havoc and heaves fatal blows;

To be the whiff of a fresh air blast

Not be the corner of one's breath last.

To be a well crafted dream,

Not the nightmare with the darkest stream;

To be the question in a curious mind

Definitely not the doubt in its crevices entwined..

Euphoria!

The dizzying height, a blur of swarming existence trembling down

Prick of cold marble and moist breath relinquishing in fuming sighs

That strand of wild hair lashing relentlessly on my brow, adamant, Angry.

Angry at the glorious sun and its crimson arms, Jealous

Jealous at the wind fanning the mist away, carving the bleak-bold.

Point of no return, of inching cliff and imminent fall

Pair of brown pools one wants to sink into, gasping for breath

Drowning in helpless desires and dual dreams

Yet, the only tug back, the one resistance to losing oneself

A lose thread, one sharp twinge and gone

Come! Come with me.. They say! Come, do not swim away!

One look and Lo! I dive down. Deep into land of muffled stars

Of subtle light and comfortable warmth, of painted dreams and fresh desires alike

I delve into layers of unknown existence, into infinity, into tangible Euphoria!

The Wind in Words

Words as they flow,

Fingers apart

Time they reek of

Near and Far!

Wind, as it blows,

Memories of a faded past

Promise of hope that lasts

Like words, eternal stars.

Sunset and Sunrise

Mellow and bright lights

Words, they always shine

Like wind on tired eyes.

Touch of fading light

Glinting on tattered spines

Or shining on yellowed pages

Breathing of days, close and past.

Like the tinge of Lemon

Or the soothing Grass

Or good old Jazz

Which I hold dear to Heart.

This post is dedicated to Pravesh Parekh, who wrote this as much as I did, in fact more thanI did and is a major reason of why this blog exists.

He maintains an excellent blog himself named Requiem For a Lost Soul which can be found here: http://requiem-for-a-lost-soul.blogspot.in/

Moonlight..

Commanding silence, and hushing the trembling wind

Oh! Moonlight, stealthily as a camouflaged fiend,

you descend the bars of what shows the other side

With playful grace and almost wounded pride.

You do dare to grace the consuming space

Attempting to enlighten it into some haloing place

Failing tirelessly, tumbling in bounds;

Don't you know? Both of you stand accused on similar grounds!

Drawn curtains, haven't I?

Exhaled blinded hopes and concluding sighs?

Why the tickle of light into darkness then?

Why breathing life in dreams again?

Shedding a different light on things,

Heaped they were, heaped as inanimate beings!

With flaring eyes and luring scent there they stand,

Like a dangerous drug, even sight of which is banned!

A busy road.. or not really?

A busy road.. or not really? The weight of various people that tread on it everyday somehow imbibed along the crevices of the tram lines that traversed it horizontally. A long day it has been, the north eastern corner of the sky almost seemed flush by heat, almost weary of it. Dark crimson giving into more of darkness. A light breeze attempted to soothe the sky, leaves trembled, a witness to its passion. He stood enraptured by the turbulent stillness around him, enjoying the reverberations below his feet in sync with the drained out tram.. yet he registered none of it, a crumpled piece of paper caught at the edge of one of the tracks caught his eye. He lowered himself, picking it up.


He could not help but be at awe of the neat cursive yet pacy handwriting on the paper, despite it being covered by mud and even shoe-prints. Verses. A few verses on this trampled and forlorn piece of thing immediately had his attention. He started reading it, a conscious effort to take in words, register them, to not let his concentration waver.

A chanced morning, in an unknown road

That triggered notes, which tune my soul old..

Is it the warmth of the winter sun,

or the tireless river amalgamating into the mist?

Or is it the forgotten face from childhood,

That had sought refuge in lines and their gist?

It might even be an evening nestled in the hustle of the city,

or the reminder of time, the watch on  his wrist?

A chanced morning, in an unknown road
That triggered notes, which tune my soul old..

He sighed deeply, looking up, his eyes glistened in the moonlight. Too overwhelmed he was, hit was he, by the past. Words capture time, they had they said. Never had they said, that they could keep us under the illusion that we could travel back in time too. A moment in these words, one which the tram-line was a part too, now he was sucked into it too. A moment that was lost, he got to live again. He got to live two moments though, one that someone else painted for him, and the one that his fate did. A shiver ran down his spine, leaving him weak at the edges. He folded the paper neatly and put it in his pocket. His eyes trying to search the dark, a trapdoor to his past. With unsure steps forward he started dwindling from sight, as if lost in the embrace of an old friend, away from harm. The road was empty again.

A busy road.. or not really?

I shall rest?

I shall rest against the dancing brine,
The moonlight and the winds that chime;
I shall rest against the stars old and new,
That reflect tales false and true.

Nestled deep in the crests of turbulent times,
The heaviness in me melts into waves sublime;
My breath lost while crashing against the shore
As of a tired traveller knocking against a jammed door.

Oh! Drops of rain, they consider me their foe,
Lashing out at me, compelling me to let go;
How dare am I one with The One?
Their existence from which did begun!

Amidst the wrath of the greying sky,
the roaring tempest looked me in the eye;
One that can never subside to my delight
Alas because it’s Me! From Me I can never have respite!

Rest I shall against the dancing brine?
But to what avail if my soul in tumult cannot reside?
What good would resting against the stars do?
If they haunt me with memories old and new?

The Bracelet

Beads of her bracelet with 

rifts of a paused heartbeat;

Caress did she their edges,

lost in memories obsolete.

Outside the cold rain did soothe,

the parched left out window sill;

So did the trickling tear drop

scurrying across her cheeks downhill.

Will there be a day

as bright as a stack of flaming hay?

with ardent winds pulling at the clouds

shaking the heavy grey away?

Then will the stream giggle again,

with the rainbow seeping colors form the sun;

Then will the nascent stalks raise their heads

To be called forest, to be among them one.

Till then the fingers will fail to sense

everything else but the cold it feels,

Till then will the eyes strain across

eagerly anticipating a trace of wheels.

Oh! Calcutta!

Heavy with the first ray of the mellow sun,

Mist settles against the walls of a lone glass

Slides along the crevices of a jogger's foot

To melt into the arms of a trampled grass.

Witness to the headlines of the day

As the cup of tea exhales a deep sigh,

The directionless traffic on streets

Promise presence at towers high.

The sultry day beating down,

Against the collar of a white shirt;

As the drudgery continues 

 for the dreams of a solemn heart.

Mauve dusk settles against houses,

The winds soothing the scorched flyover;

As tired steps walk towards homes, envying,

the fresh legs that around a football do hover.

Flickering lights and bleak dreams

Stretched across the other side of the river;

The grey road submitting into the horizon

Its raw pulse throbbing forever.

There exists a World..

Her dress rustled along the flight of stairs. She scurried down, glancing at both her sides for brief moments, and then looking down again. Her heart thudding violently against her ribs, her breath caught in her throat. She looked back to the wide expanse of the high-way that she was climbing down from, the lights seemed to be dwindling with each step, the clock ticking with the pace of vehicles, some time lost with their exhaust fumes. The familiar tinge of river breeze hit her face, she was almost there. She looked down and continued to climb down the forlorn stairs that lead to the river bed.


She took off her heels before stepping down from the last pair of stairs. Her feet dug into the cool sand, they left smudged impressions as unsure as her steps were. She could see his silhouette, his frame quite prominent against the dark moonless sky, the simmering water beyond blurring his edges. He was one with the horizon,

where the charcoal sky met the blue waters, where her eyes edged to peek into beyond, which steps away with every step forward of her. She stood there still, wishing to melt away into the still night that fell upon them.


He turned around, his dark eye-lashes mirroring the sky behind him, his eyes almost the shade of the water, he looked away again but waiting for her to join him at the edge of the water. As if being summoned by a beckoning halo, as strong a tug as some magnetic pull, she felt herself walking towards him. She stopped shortly behind him. This was the best part of her day. It's been like this for a while. After sprinting with the revolving world around her everyday, she runs away from it every night, abandoning it, to take a breath, to stand and stare. To look at her world, to live in it.


It was astonishing how it all bewitched her, transfixed her but never touched her. It was like she was in this bubble. The ripple of the water, it caressing the boulders, the dull roar of vehicles somewhere far off, the stifled moan of the winds and him. All of it she could see and hear. But muffled. Like there were forces that worked towards keeping her away from all of it. A veil that she could never shake off. Not voluntarily. It happened when it had to. She stood there like always, inhaling deep, closing her eyes.


A sudden chill caught her. It was too sharp, not like everything else she felt, subdued. She opened her eyes to close them again. This was happening again. The part which she did not like at all. The sight before her was too brilliant for her eyes to take them. She opened them again. Everything around her illuminated with a new light, every color intensified, all sounds distinct. The bubble had burst again. Everything was the same as it felt from inside, everything but him. He was not there. He was gone.


She stood there. Her shoulders drooping. Suddenly all the weight tumbling around her, crashing against her. She took a deep breath and started walking towards the stairs again. Time to embrace the world again. She reached the stairs and looked back at the edge of the water again. Was he there? Or was it the horizon, where both the worlds meet?

A dip 'in' colors

She stepped on the puddle, a bit more so intentionally. The colored water splashed, leaving a few stains at the end of her once white frock, almost like a well-thought design against all the colors, she grinned at it and broke into a wild run around the field. The pungent smell of spring hit her, the morning sun was too mellow to dry away the mist at the tips of grass. Her almost green hair beat mercilessly against her back, her breath now a tumbling effort. A familiar rush sweeping through her.

The doorbell rang incessantly. It infuriated her. Why can't people wait for a few minutes after they have announced their presence outside the door. They know that one can't really apparate to the main door. The brief gap that follows the first ring and the time till the latch is opened, is almost inevitably filled by impatient pressing of the bell, giving off urgency even if one has all the time in the world and has nothing else to do than to just ask for a cup of cream.

The house threatened to explode with the ringing, she stomped her way to the front door. She opened the door, prepared to say off her neighbor in full throttle, instead she creased her brow at the sight in front of her. There stood her neighbor's boy, the end of his pants dripping green water on her porch, his hair yellow. She could not have recognized him if not for the shirt that he was wearing, she had been dropping snide remarks every now and then to her neighbor to throw it away, all in good humor but her idea was to implant it in his mother's head that her boy is too tall for his shirt now, no matter how adorable he looked in it.

He had a sprayer in his right hand and had his left hand behind him. He looked scared. She was worried now. She asked him what the matter was, he did not say anything but looked down. He pulled out his left hand reluctantly, it was smeared with blood. She gasped. He pulled it right back. She kneeled before him, with her hand on his shoulders urging him to show his hand once again. It was a deep cut, she observed.

Apparently he was chased across the park by his friends who were threatening to lift him and throw him into the big plastic tub filled with water looking similar to the high drain that was set in the park for the occasion. He was sporting for anything but anything to do with water. He despised getting wet somehow. Evidently he could not outrun them, was thrown into the tub, the broken corner of which made a deep cut against his wrist. She felt her heart go out to the young boy.

She lifted him up and carried him inside the house. Placing him on the dining table, she ran for first aid. It has always been like this, a look at him and she knew he was in trouble. It was like this since he was this little toddler. The first time he had stumbled while attempting to walk, he had landed on his face, had looked up at her and had burst into tears while lifting his arms, pleading to be picked up. She had been amused then, she was amused still.

She closed her door, heaving a sigh. He was out to play again. Quite happy after the cup of hot chocolate that he licked off a while back. The cut was after all harmless. She had dressed it efficiently while teaching him more pranks that he should play on others this Holi. She smiled as she saw his eyes grow in wonder and realization settle down them and then the tinge of naughtiness that lit them up.

She looked outside, settling on a chair, cupping a mug of coffee. The splash of colors, the bright day, the raw mirth-all failed to touch her. The girl in the white frock was resentful, she has cocooned herself deep inside her. Nothing reached her there anymore.

Just a Sip

The crimson sky split into two, blinding her. Thunder crackled somewhere far off. It sounded like someone was desperately clanging at the bars of a dungeon. It was dark and was raining heavily, so much so that the path ahead was not discernible  One could point a shocking stillness to the downpour. The heavens roared once again. It didn't matter to her though. Not anymore.

She was walking with her head bowed.  One could almost have missed her because of the long black overcoat that she was wearing, which camouflaged her with the dark, if not for her sari that almost mirrored the wine colored sky. The wet red sari sticking to her stiff body could easily pass of as blood against one’s skin. Her wild wet hair was sticking to the sides of her face, her long curled eyelashes heavy with droplets. She felt a chill right to her very bones. But that did not deter her from walking towards her destination.

The path was deserted. The sides of the road wear bleak and desolate. Blur to her. An occasional withering tree with branches extended upward seemingly seeking mercy, a lone boulder, a car with its bonnet open and a lamppost with a fused bulb were a few things that actually caught her attention even though for a fraction of seconds during this arduous walk. Her legs ached, her head felt heavy and her heart, it ran ahead of her, thudding violently against her ribs. She blinked for once, a stream of tears slid restlessly past her cheeks, becoming one with the raindrops.

“Do you expect God to grace my dream every night and whisper into my ears the kind of mood you will be in each day, how can you be so bloody difficult?” he said irritated, while loosening his left cuff as he made himself a drink. She cringed a bit at his use of words. He picked up the stout glass in his hand and looked at her, exasperated. “Don’t give me that look again! God, can’t I have some peace?” he had an earnest look by the time he finished the sentence. She felt her eyes burning and itchy; perhaps he had seen something too. Lowering the glass on the table he came towards her, his face softening a bit. She lowered her head, staring at her curled toes. He released a deep sigh. “What should I do?” he said softly. His voice made her look up, but his eyes were still confused and eager. She maintained eye contact with him, hoping desperately that he would now know what she wants.

Confusion clouded his eyes even more; he placed one hand on her left shoulder, urging her to say something. It did not elicit any response from her. He enveloped his arms around her now, patting her head a bit. She could smell alcohol in his breath. That repelled her. She loosened herself from his grip and looked up at him. He looked perplexed. “It’s okay”, she said in a heavy voice. “Give me some time, please?” The mention of time somehow changed his eyes, his nostrils flared, he stepped back a bit. Towering over her, he said “Are you kidding with me? We have been married for two years now! You still need time? You are playing with my life woman.” She was angry now. How could he say this? She was trying her best, could he not see? Every day, every moment. “What do you want? Does it kill you to answer this question of mine? Or do you want me to play with puzzle pieces?” He said gritting his teeth, she was scared. She held her fort though, “I did answer your question, I want time”, she said with steel in her voice. “Ha ha”, he laughed menacingly. “There’s no point even talking to you”, he said, picking up the remote, he switched on the TV, flickered through channels and settled on a reality show on the couch with the drink in his hand. She kept staring at his back. After a few minutes, she left the house, closing the front gate silently.

She looked at the iron-gate in front of her. She was here. She has imagined being here so many times that it felt like a déjà-vu. Her eyes were now fixated at the heavy door made of polished wood. Royal. Just like Him. The outside decor of the place gave off His essence so strong that she could almost figure out the thought process behind every parapet and design. It was time to knock on His door. It had to be now. She has waited more than what she ever thought she could, mulled over it for years now, but all of it seemed futile though. She laughed wryly at herself. How could she have thought all these years that she did not need him? She has been seeking consolation from the mere memory of His voice, the picture of His eyes, and the scent of His aftershave that she so strongly recalls. It’s been ten years now. But this was enough. Enough of starving. She might as well die. She needs him now. He was indispensable for her. He has always been.

She pressed the doorbell, waiting in excruciating anticipation. She saw the lock twist a bit, at that point of time, she wished if she could sublimate or vanish into thin air. It did not seem a good idea anymore. He would not even recognize her. Even if He does vaguely. What would she say? Why has she come? Why is she in such a state? She felt like turning back and running away like there’s no tomorrow. The door opened and she felt a shiver run through her. Was it the moist wind or the gaze that held hers now, she could not point out.

His eyes changed from black to grey to mellow brown in flickering moments. She could see them surprised, then registering her, confusion just for a brief moment maybe and then comprehension of it all.  Oh, how much has she missed them, His eyes. He seldom spoke much but that was always covered up by his eyes. They spoke volumes, they had a language of their own, with difficult words though. But they had the power, power to do anything. There have been times when the pitch black of them have left her gasping for breath and there have been times when the honey drop in them have left her savoring them, longing just to hold their sight for more. He was waiting for her to say something, she realized. She did not know what to say though, so lowered her head, dripping in His expensive doormat, guilty about it. She heard Him say “Come in?”, in an authoritative yet questioning tone. She stepped into the house. He closed the door behind him. The storm had picked up more by then. The city was facing a power-cut she realized.

He ushered her into the sitting room, pointing towards the chair beside the fire-place. She was not shocked to see it there. She sat there, her numb fingers coming back to life again. He handed her a towel to dry herself a bit. She saw Him near the side table deftly pouring what seemed like milk from the flask, adding something and then stirring it. She noticed that He was wearing a casual white shirt, His collar button was open and His sleeves were rolled up. He must have been relaxing when she had barged in, she felt embarrassed. He came towards her, handing over the cup to her, she cupped her hands around it and took a sip from it. It was hot chocolate. The warm liquid felt so good down her throat that she closed her eyes for a bit. He sat down on the sofa opposite her, His watch glistening from the fire. His eyes, patient, very patient. Though there was something in them that she had never seen.

“Are you okay?” He said at last, His eyes concerned. She looked up, her eyes welling up again. “I am sorry”, she said, looking down. Her mind was blank. She did not know what else to do or say. “You don’t have to be. You can come anytime you want. You know that”, He said in a voice that made her tremble. She looked up, those reassuring eyes again. She felt much more comfortable. Of course this was Him. He knew everything she was thinking. He knew, but he didn’t. This was her problem. This is the reason as to why she wasn’t okay. She held His gaze for a while and looked down.

“You are not saying anything”, He said in a very patient voice. She looked up, she was choking, her eyes almost full with tears.  Keeping her cup on the table she stood up and stood facing the fire with her back towards him. She could hear him getting up from the couch. He was standing behind her now. He called her name. Very Softly. Concerned. That opened the floodgates. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, clutching to his shirt, her nails crumpling it a bit, burying her face into his left collarbone...wetting His shirt there. Her body wrecked with incessant sobs. He patted her back gently. “It’s going to be fine”, He said in her hair. She trembled harder. “Shhh, I’m here”, He said.

She felt warm. She looked up to see him staring at her. His eyes very concerned now. He must have spotted her lapsing into her thoughts, but He was accustomed to her doing that isn’t He? She smiled at him. His posture relaxed a bit. She smiled at her cup now, tucking wet strands behind her ear. She doesn’t need hot chocolate; she has one of her own. Looking at Him, she assured Him, that she is fine. Her pocket buzzed. It was a text from him. It read, “I am really sorry, come back soon, please”. Sadly it indeed was the time to go back. If only curling up into a blanket was an option.

She got up from the chair with a determined look on her face. He understood it too. Like always He did. He followed her to the door. She clutched the knob, and turned towards him. “You will be alright?” He said. She blinked, tears rolling through the corner of her eyes, but she smiled. “I am going to be alright, Thank you”. She twisted the knob. The storm had subsided, it was not raining anymore. She stepped out, her heart aching to look back, but she didn’t. She did not know whether she had the strength to look back and turn away again...

A few strokes

She tucked a strand of hair behind her right ear. His was too dense she realized. It will need elaborate looking into she made a mental note. Short cropped hair, black and dense, yet falling in layers sort of. It would need intricate sketching, she frowned. Her frantic hands continued tracing long lines against the canvas.

He was not aware of her eyes on him nor that he was being sketched. He looked impatiently at the door once again. His frown lines said that he did not like people who did not value time. Rolling up his sleeve, he straightened his dial. The watch caught her eye too. The way it held itself against his wrist, it seemed to have a life of its own. As if his pulse reverberated within it too.  As if his essence had seeped through his skin and was trapped in its steel band now. She should highlight the watch too, she said to herself. She started re-lining the outlines now.

He straightened himself again realizing that he was getting comfortable in his seat in the restaurant. She could not help but chuckle under her breath, he doesn't want to crumple his work clothes. She was not surprised. The stern look on his face kind of said it already. Even the waiter around his table seemed a bit too conscious. She turned around wildly, a sudden fear gripping her that there might be someone watching her sketch this man in front of her. The tables behind her were empty. It was a Monday afternoon, not the ideal time for the place to have its "happy hours". She sighed in relief. People might find it very weird and someone might even complain. What they don't realize is, there are times when its your mind responding automatically to something that appeals to one with unparalleled vibes. The moment she had taken her seat and she had seen the man, she knew that all she wants now was to sketch him.

He was fiddling with his phone now, his leg shaking in a slow rhythm. Must be humming some song, she deduced. She wished that she could hear the song he was humming, it would have kind of made it easier for her to complete the sketch. Much more easier.

She concentrated on the lights now. He was sitting against a glass pane, the afternoon sun was casting shadows on his right. But her instinct told her to scatter shadows throughout the canvas, as if it was not a brightly lit afternoon, but a cold and misty day.

It was almost done, she brushed her fingers against some areas to blur the pencil lines, to add the effect and the shadows. Too lost in the moment, she did not realize that his eyes were on her now. She looked up and she knew exactly how to finish the sketch. He looked down instantly, getting up in a swift motion, he acknowledged the waiter and left.

She set the canvas down, the one she was sketching in and put up a fresh one and started sketching his eyes. Just his eyes. It was him. His eyes were him. She wrote the following lines after she finished with his eyes.

A drop of rain or the sea

Satiating or engulfing to me?

   

We could have had it all..

We were walking along the beach, I sang out loud, with Aparajita tightly clasping her tiny hand around mine as she looked up in wonder. I looked down still continuing with the song, couldn't help but smile a bit when I saw my daughter, her olive skin glistening under the warm sun, her big black eyes giving off earnestness I could not imagine in a five year old, her lips trying to mouth some of the lyrics, she was somewhat a bit breathless from both walking and trying to sing at the same time.

"Do you want to sit down?", I said with the voice that I reserved only for her.

I could see the rapid change in her expressions from disappointment to relief. Aparajita nodded her head in affirmation, but something in her eyes said that she did want to walk a bit more, yet she sat down pulling me beside her. The waves crashed a few inches away from us, so close, that shift of sand could be felt. She clutched my arm now. I wrapped one arm around her, pulling her closer as we sat there staring at the horizon. I could feel her warmth seeping through me, her baby scent still hasn't worn off I realized yet again, I almost felt calmness course through me.

"Are you angry?", came a muffled voice. 

I smiled a bit, the question was imminent, I knew it. She looked up now, her eyes uncertain now. God! She is so expressive, I thought. I kissed her on both of her cheeks and said "Not at all,cupcake. Why do you think I am?". She was delighted, she loved being called cupcake, it was her favorite dessert. Her body eased a bit against me. "I could not walk for long, I had promised the last time that I would try to walk the entire length of the beach", she said looking down, halting between words, in a voice that could melt my heart. 

I picked her up now placed her on my lap, placing  my chin on her head, I spoke into her hair. "I can never be angry with you honey". She snuggled against me, humming the tune of the song I was singing a while back flawlessly. I felt my eyes moisten with pride, could not help myself but grip her tightly.

"Mamma?", she said cutting off the tune abruptly. I knew that voice of hers. A bit of curiosity with a tinge bit of fear too. She did want to ask something which she thinks she is not supposed to. "Yes?", I said trying my best to make her feel comfortable, because knowing her, it doesn't take her long to curb into that shell of her's.

"When I told my friends about our holiday, they all made fun of me and called me a liar. Who will carry your luggage, and Who will talk to the hotel people, they had joked, You don't even have a Daddy!", her voice cracked with the last word. She turned around now and flung her arms around my neck. I patted her back trying to control tears from straining my own face. I have to be strong, for her.

I have always known that it would be very difficult for Aparajita to grow up without a father. But at times as these I find myself at a loss of words over what to say to her that can console her little heart. I finally spoke up, "Come on Darling, you know they were just trying to pull your leg, Mamma can do all those stuff, right?"

She looked up, her eyes red now, I felt as if someone has just stabbed my heart. I wiped off her cheeks and kissed them again. She managed a smile, "Yes you can", she hugged me again, this time, tighter. I ran my fingers through her hair. How can I explain things to her, that I had no control over all this, that I could not keep that person in our lives when he himself did not want to, when he himself chose to walk away, that I never knew what went wrong. Maybe one day she will understand, maybe one day she will..