She was grabbing the hem of my dress. Her tiny fingers were struggling
to find the right grip. I smiled at the blurring image before me. I could feel
my fears sliding down my being as her hair filled the air with the smell of
new. Her tiny pulse drubbed against my
wrist. But all I could really feel was the boring of those chocolate honey eyes
against my face.
….
The morning sun was kissing her thick curls. She was
apprehensive. I could say it by the way she tapped her feet continuously
against her seat. I picked her up and placed her on my hip. “Is going to school
important?” said a voice so small that I could have almost mistaken it to be in
my head. I brought her closer to my body
and dropped a kiss on her temple. “How else will my little one do big things
one day?” She looked up at me, and nodded with sincerity inappropriate for a 3
year old. I placed her carefully on the floor. She picked her bag up and
started walking towards the door.
….
The windows shook as the thunder rumbled against my chest.
Her breath was fanning my strands away. Her hand was resting possessively
across my waist as my voice tried matching the weather outside. Reading before
bed was always a time both of us looked forward to. Even if our eyes drooped of
exhaustion, we made it a point to read at least one story before calling it a
night. “And the prince charged against the tower where the princess was being
held against her will”, my voice ticked away with the dreary clock. “Mommy?”
said the curious little voice, I half smiled against her hair expecting a
strange question to be thwarted in my way; those were curved balls my little
darling liked to throw. “Yes love?” I said feigning importance. “What if the
prince fails?”
….
Our drawing room erupted in applause. Our favourite team
has just scored. I hugged her tighter at my side. She clapped her hands
gleefully. Her perfect white teeth shone in the darkness. We liked switching
our lights off while watching important matches. Today was no different. But
what did I know. There was a loud knock at the door and our lives were never
the same.
…
The same chocolate honey eyes stared at me. I looked down at
my toes momentarily but straightened my shoulders again. “What do you think you
are doing here?” I could almost see the heat coming off his ears “Hello. Hi.
How have you been?” his voice tumbled across my room. “That’s how you greet
people when you see them after 8 years” he said softly. How I wished he would
shout at me and be done with it. “Why would you need to run away?”, he asked,
in an understanding voice, as if he already knew. I answered by lowering my
gaze again. He looked around the room curiously and raised an eyebrow at me. A
small soft minion landed with a thud near his feet. His eyes darkened. The edge
of a yellow dress peeked from the other room. She took a few unsure steps
forward, fear written all over her fragile form. His looming form suddenly
seemed small too. Like magnets they were moving towards each other. I have
hated myself for a long time now. I hate myself a little more now. He picked
her up in his arms, and she settled against his chest. I walked towards them
and held her hand. “This is Daddy” I said against her palm.
…
I was falling through dense air. I instinctively reached out
for something solid. My nails brushed against some rough material. I would not
fall. I could smell raw hope like a perfume smeared on my neck. I kicked my legs before my eyes flew open. A dark
room came into focus. My phone was buzzing somewhere beneath me. The AC has
been on for too long. My nose was dead cold. On my night stand carelessly
strewn were my reports from the clinic. I sat up and reached for my phone. It
was 3:52. I still had sometime before I would start to get ready. I have a
meeting early morning. I was a lot less excited for it though. My disturbed
sleep would do my mood no good. I unlocked my phone and dialed the one number
I should call. He deserved to know. It would destroy his career and he would
let it. He was just entering the sweet spot in his career. I will not be the
reason to ruin it. He can do great things. He will do great things. I dialed the other number instead. A sleepy voice answered me. “Dr Dey?” I asked unsure
“You and your ungodly hours, why can’t you ever sleep properly?” the elderly
woman groaned. “I.. would like to book
an appointment for noon tomorrow.” I squeaked. “What is it dear?” the concern
was palpable from her voice. “I would like to get an abortion”.
Brilliant!
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